Speedy Encounter!

After deliberating whether to walk to the post office or take an auto, we left the house without deciding. We hadn't even walked a few steps when one little yellow and black auto swished seductively by us. I couldn't help but put out a hand and before I realized we were sitting inside and I was directing the driver to take us to our destination. Alas! That I have no will power……

We stepped down at the Post office- a building at least sixty years old. It was neat and clean (Whitewashed sans the paan stains that you normally see government buildings decorated with!). The counters were old wooden windows which were strategically placed all round one huge hall.

We went and joined the long queue at the first counter. I stood and peered at the board (It was printed quite clearly for a change!) to check whether it was for the speed post. Not finding it on the list, I asked the gentleman in front of us where to go for sending a mail through speed post. Mumbai is filled with helpful people and this man was no exception, he at once pointed to the next window and we nonchalantly walked towards it. I bent down (the windows were at a level built sixty years ago) to talk to the lady sitting decked up in a glittering sari. She replied to my query with a silent gesture that it was the next window.

At last we reached our destination! The line was relatively short. We were the third in the line and I could easily read the board and number three on the board was “Speed Post”. I breathed a sigh of relief and settled down to wait for our turn. I was confident it would take a maximum of ten minutes. In between a smart young lady peeped in at the counter; I glared at her thinking she was cutting into the line. She noticed it and tried to explain that she needed some trivial thing. I thought to myself, “All of us are waiting for trivial things anyway so you better stick to the line!”

The first one in the line was off, I shifted my weight to the other leg and then decided I would let Chiqui stand in the line and I would go and get the inland letters and envelopes meanwhile. While leaving the line I asked her whether she had enough money, she nodded her head. I traipsed back to the second window to ask the queenly lady where I could get them (Incidentally that was the only window without a line!) She nodded her head; assuming that she would give them to me I told her,

 “Please give me ten inland letters and ten envelopes”

Mutely she nodded again; opened a tin-rust laden box and started rummaging in it. She took out a sheaf of blue papers and counted them once, then counted them for a second time after licking her fingers (Ewee!). She put it on the ledge, and went back to rummaging in the box for at least two minutes. Triumphantly she took out a sheaf of white envelopes and proceeded to count them. I thought I would prevent her from licking her fingers so I counted along with her, it was eight.

“There are only eight” I said (remember all the time I am bending down so that I could see her face!)

She ignored me; moistened her fingers and counted again. I closed my eyes (I am such an ostrich sometimes!)

“There are only eight” she parroted.

I could have thrown my purse at her in frustration but all I said,

“That’s all right I will take it” and put forward a hundred rupee note towards her.

She took it in slow motion and put it up to look through the light streaming in. Nobody, I mean nobody, checks hundred rupee notes anymore! Five hundred- I can understand but one hundred! (Seriously with a dollar crossing sixty four rupees!). Continuing in slow motion she took out her change box and gave me my change. Sigh! One work done; I was confident the other work would be done too.

Twirling on my toes I turned to look at the window next to me. Chiqui was now number two in the line! Here I had taken at least ten minutes and she still hadn't reached the man! The man in front of her was bent and talking with the man behind the counter. I raised my eyebrows at Chiqui and she shrugged. I stood behind her and started reading the board:-

1.     Electricity bill (Tata) – 9 to 1 (This was written by hand with a pen)

2.     Gas bill – 9 to 1

3.     Speed Post

4.     MTNL phone bill – 9 to 1

5.     Etc etc etc…

Separate Q for senior citizens (Hand written in pen again!)

One elderly man was also waiting beside the man in front. The counter- man whose mouth was filled with something gestured to him and did some paperwork for him. The elderly man went off.

I had already moved restlessly twice hence the following conversation

Chiqui: Ma why don’t you take a round of the post office?

Me: No!

I bent down and peered,

Counter man: “hey Fernandez!  Get me those papers” (It was a miracle I could hear him)

There ensued a conversation between him and the unseen Fernandez, following this a fat sheaf of printing papers appeared. He tore out three leaves and put it in the printer. He then took out a scanner and scanned one envelope and then another and another… endless.

Me: He is doing yesterday’s work now!

Chiqui: Go round the building at least once (pleadingly)

By now there was a huge queue behind us. The smart lady had come back and was giving sympathetic smiles to me and peering at the counter man.

I left the line and stood waiting at the place where a senior citizen should be as there was no one there. I was contemplating whether to take Chiqui’s advice and go for a stroll when a gentleman with a white beard and black hair stood behind me with an envelope.

“Do we need to put stamps on this?” he asked ,thrusting an addressed envelope under my nose.

I shrugged, “No Idea!” (I am not a helpful Mumbaikar!)

He essayed again, “You are standing in the senior citizen line?”

I hurriedly left the line and he promptly stood there (I am sure he wasn't a senior citizen, the rascal!).

Well to cut a long story short I went for a walk round the building and landed up next to a window through which I could see what the counterman was doing behind the counter!

He was still scanning a pile of envelopes, all of different sizes. He took one, fed in the address in the computer, stuck the speed post sticker, scanned it…..

I stood there watching him go through this exercise again and again. Feeling frustrated, restless and imprisoned! At last, he took the envelopes from the man in front of Chiqui and duly went through the ritual. I walked back to the counter.

The black and white guy thrust his envelope before Chiqui had time to react! I could have whacked the fraud!

Finally it was our turn and it took exactly three minutes to complete the exercise and can you believe it …..

Chiqui: Thank you

I rolled my eyes heaven wards.

After the advent of the internet and e-mails the post office was having a bad time making any profits. The government thus brought in a lot of other activities into the postal fold so that so many employees would not lose their jobs. But like all other government departments they will not put in an inch of extra effort to fulfill their duties. It is as if by paying tax to maintain them, they are doing us a favour!

All of us in the single line had lost at least an hour of precious time for a work that needs a maximum of ten minutes.

Isn't it time that our rulers sat up and streamlined the departments at the grass root level before moaning about the devaluation of the rupee or the selfishness of the NRIs or brain drain for that matter!