While going through my blog spots it suddenly hit me that I am becoming too didactic..... You know sort of preaching about good and bad, right and wrong and left and right et al and that’s too bad! (There I go again!)......
Today I went through a bout of misery both mental and physical and when I was able to ride the crest of this wave of desolation successfully I went out on the windy balcony and meditated on the busy traffic on the road by the sea. Have you ever tried it? It’s really very soothing to a battle-fatigued mind. There was a lot of noise too – hum of the traffic, ambulance sirens, horns blowing and the general sound of living but it was kind of like soft music and I basked in the warm sun with the cold wind whipping my hair around my face.
The sea was breathtakingly beautiful and as the clouds chased each other across the sky it changed its colours as fast as a chameleon and this washed away the anxiety of a tightly stressed mind and I felt cleansed. Even above the din of human existence I could hear the roar of the sea and as usual it took me for a personal ride and I was there poised as a ballerina is before her flight- on my toes! Would I be able to take off? Would I be able to shake off the dew drops on my wings to soar into the unknown? I am being selfish today to talk so in riddles! But I do hope these are riddles which all of us face and each one of us has one unique answer to them and thus in the long run I am helping you to come to grips with reality by asking my personal questions which could be your personal questions! (Is it getting worse?)... These questions speak of discontentment.
The sudden shriek of a child cut across all my musings. I looked down at the source of the sound and saw a little boy wanting to be picked up by his mother. She looked tired, she was obviously poor as she was trying to sell tissues at the traffic crossing and this little one was taxing her to pick him up. The traffic started moving and she backed off up on the foot path dragging the wailing child with her. She plopped down on the hard stone and from within the folds of her voluminous gown, produced a biscuit packet and thrust it at the child who took it and threw it at the traffic going past! He wanted love but was offered sustenance and being a child had the honesty to throw what he didn’t want. How many of us have the guts to throw away material gain in face of demanding for something as inane as love! His mother realised this and hugged him to her bosom and he was silent.... The silence spoke of contentment.
I smiled to myself at this picture and looked up at the blinding sun and a cloud covered it – to allow me to open my blind eyes... sweeping my eyes at the vast panorama of small cameos that were being played a little way down my viewing stand, I felt the noise of life encompassing me all round. One friend who had recently visited me had commented that she wouldn’t like to stay in this quiet area as she needed to know that people were around her when she went out and if the sound got too much she could close the windows and be all alone! Is that what was biting me today? There was a lot of clamour but it seemed as if it was far away as if I was floating in space and looking down at earth... This solitariness spoke of imprisonment.
The mad man who always ran to open the door of the car when I went out in the hope of a few pounds was rushing here and there doing the same thing for other people- helping the drivers to park their car in the narrow road opening doors for the passengers and taking the small tips with a smile and a “thank you”. Idly watching him I wondered what had driven him mad (If he was actually mad!) was it poverty? Was it love? Or was it his DNA? Whatever it was he was existing and that is what life is all about! (Again being didactic!) ... This madness spoke of freedom.
Today as I sign off I crave for a silence of contentment and the madness of freedom. I am for a change, bereft of any words of advice, for today I need a light to show my path....
