“Birds”

Have you seen the movie “Birds” by Alfred Hitchcock? If you have you will understand the creepy feeling that I get when I see a number of birds together! I saw the movie as a young child and they continue to haunt me in my nightmares even today!

I love to see birds flying in the far off sky, especially the eagles that glide around looking for prey. The freedom and grace that they symbolize is what makes them so attractive but ask me whether I would want to cuddle and caress them – it’s a big no-no from me. I mean why hold this great manifestation of freedom from freedom?

Pigeons have done nothing to endear themselves to me! They have been the bane of my existence from I don’t remember when. The grey red eyed ones are bad enough but the white ones are equally scary! In Delhi they had a habit of hopping into the house and pecking at the crumbs on the floor and the bird-brained creatures that they are, they could never find the exit to fly away! Their fluttering wings would fill me with terror and I would run out with my hands over my head.

For many years after that I had forgotten about them till we moved into an eighteenth floor apartment in Mumbai, it all started again….. The owner of the apartment had extended all the rooms into the balconies and we had only a tiny balcony in the front. I did wonder why but didn't crib too much as it gave us bigger rooms.

An enthusiastic plant lover I have always filled my house with greenery, and this little balcony was ideal to keep my extra plants and I did so as soon as we settled down. It was a very windy area so I stopped wishing we had another balcony to dry the clothes as they would have all flown off, and instead used an extra room to dry them in.

One day after a leisurely bath, I sauntered into the living room to enjoy the winter sun and curl up with a book on the sofa. The heavenly bliss of having a cup of coffee in one hand, a book in the other and the plot unfolding in my imagination! The protagonist was running across the street to catch the villain when the traffic light changes and he is caught midst it! My attention too wavered at the cooing sounds… I looked out bemusedly expecting to see some doves flying by, but no, the blue sky was clear. My eyes adjusted to the relative darkness of the room and it rested on my lush green bushy ornamental plant and lo! And behold! My arch enemy of yore was going round and round and making herself comfortable on the warm mud at the root of the plant. The red eyes looked belligerently at me and dared me to do anything… I of course screamed and got the maid running in. I mutely pointed towards the bird and she laughed at me. Even the humiliation of being laughed at did nothing to reduce my terror. The maid just went close to the bird picked it up and threw it out shutting the sliding doors of the balcony behind her.

From then on I never opened the sliding doors if I wasn't sitting there ready to shoo out my uninvited guests! But it was the beginning of my end. I waged a lone but losing battle against these feathery creatures. They took over my one and only balcony. They built nests in my pots, pooped all over the leaves of the beautiful plants. Their shit has so much of acid in it that the poor plants shriveled and slowly died. They laid eggs in their makeshift nests and fought with the crows to protect them! The balcony was always a mess of shit, dead leaves, mud, feather and sticks! Once a month the maid used to go and clean up the whole area, as I would sit doing watchman duty and hoping against hope that they wouldn't come back again! My dreams were never fulfilled and I stopped keeping plants outside, not to be beaten they used the empty pots to lay eggs! (My maid used to steal them regularly). 

I saw generations of pigeons growing up in front of me. First the courtship, then the mating, resulting in eggs and then the hatching of ugly babies and soon they would grow up within months and the whole cycle would start all over again. If I hadn't hated them so much I swear I could have named them and recognized them!

It was time to move for us. I thankfully saw the last of them (I hoped for ever) and our new house in Alex did not have the sound of anything else but the sea. Sometimes the loneliness of an alien land would get my guts and I wished I could at least see a few of my bête noires but it never happened though I could see a few seagulls far away in the horizon.

After a couple of years I again moved back to Mumbai. While house hunting I was thrilled to find a house which had all its balconies covered with bird net! I felt so happy and secure.

If you think I have won the battle you are highly mistaken! They come and sit on the edges and shit! Look at me victoriously and coo and romance in front of me. They are even trying to rip the bird net in the hope they will invade my space. One of them found a small opening and wriggled in and was trapped, I had to call the watchman to get rid of it. (My new maid is equally terrified of them!)

Now I have a paranoid maid who keeps pointing out weak spots in the net where they could invade my space and I have to take a needle and twine and make that place stronger. While I am doing that, the rascals flap around trying to distract me! God knows when this war between us will end but till now they are ones who have won all the battles. I am the one caged, while they fly free!