Waiting......

Years ago when I was in college I studied a play by Samuel Beckett "Waiting for Godot". I remember I was fascinated by it, which was strange cause I was still in my teens and teens normally do not have the patience to go through this very slow play! But I identified with this in every aspect of my life- from waiting at the bus stop to waiting for my exam results!

In the intervening years I was too busy, first studying then bringing up a family to ever think of this play.I think I did mention it to my students while teaching them but I never went into any detail. Though that period too had its waiting periods I was most of the time multi-tasking so I did not really go through the agony of waiting.

Now I can hardly say that I am busy (Ironic cause I live in a city which is always on the go!) I am back to basics so to say! I get up and I am waiting to send everyone off (Meaning husband and child) then waiting for the maid then waiting for some new games to play on the computer, then waiting for the child to come back and so on and so forth. The waiting game never ends!

Suddenly I realised, like the tramps in the play, I am waiting for some intangible desire to be fulfilled. I know I am waiting for something to happen but what that "something" is , is a mystery. The lethargy that had enveloped me for the last three years is slowly unraveling and maybe when this mist is cleared I will know what is it that my heart desires. Till then I am "waiting". I know many of us go through this and prefer to either ignore or negate it but that's not a solution.

Well my first positive towards this is to make a time table (as I used to during my student days) and have a series of occupation to fill my day. It could be as inane as doing puja, but it is an activity which gives me satisfaction and pleasure or something which is physical like doing 30 minutes on the treadmill which is equally satisfying. I realised that now instead of waiting for things to happen, I am looking forward to my next activity and this reduces the emotional and psychological ennui that I am going through.

Hope this helps those who read it and give me further tips to get out of the pit (that I had myself dug!) as soon as possible.