Not my day – Attack of the Delivery Men

“Hazzar rupaya dena” (Give me thousand rupees). I had opened the door in the middle of the afternoon to the incessant ring of the calling bell. This is the quiet time of the day so I was taken by surprise. 

The milk man stood outside, all dressed up with a very huge grin. It was the 24^th of the month! In my sleep befuddled mind red warning bells were ringing and if I had something to throw, I would have!

I controlled myself, “I don’t have thousand rupees”

He said, “What is this madam, you don’t even have thousand rupees!”

I looked at him squarely in the eye, “End of the month I don’t have it with me”

He looked a little abashed, “Actually the delivery van is downstairs, and he needs it”

If I was a magical-being I would have frozen him with my looks, “Well, I don’t have it”

After seeing him all dressed up, I was determined not to give him any money. I was convinced there was no van downstairs he just wanted to go and have fun!

“I will come at six o’clock, you keep the money ready”, he said, as if he was doing me a favour.

I refused to reply.

“You cut it from the bill for the month”

As I had resumed taking milk from the middle of the month I knew the bill would not even touch thousand!

“OK?”

I said, “No! I am going out and will not be going to the ATM to withdraw money!”

At last he left me to stare wide awake at the clock and watch my precious sleep time get over.

Normally the milk packet is dumped on the floor outside the door in a haphazard fashion and I have to keep checking whether it has been delivered or not! But the next day there was the ting tong of the bell at 7 in the morning.

“Good morning, madam!” the milkman stood with two packets of milk in his hand.

I took the packets, “Aren't you delivering tomorrow?”

“I am!”

“Then why are you giving me two packets?”

“I got extra, so take it”

I was already to burst, “NO! I don’t an extra one today. I will let you know when I want one”

“OK OK Can you give me that thousand rupees today?” he asked ingratiatingly

I was so tired of him I gave it to him saying that he now owes me so much for the next month.

“Theek hai theek hai” (OK OK)

I warned him, “Don’t give me any brand you feel like, I will throw it and not pay for it” was my parting shot!

It was a jinxed day ….

At nine the bell rang again. I assumed it was the garbage collector. I kept sitting as the maid normally dealt with him. But today was not my day!

She said he wanted to talk to me.

“Can you give me my money?” looking at me in half drunken stupor

I looked at him pretending incomprehension.

“Only five days left for the month to end, anyway.” He said airily

I didn't argue with this one. I just silently gave it to him.

I got a salaam for my effort and a triumphant smile. I realized my mistake! The month before I had given the money to his wife, who must not have given it to him, hence the hurry to take it from me!

The bell rang again at two o’clock in the afternoon; thankfully I had not gone for my nap. I was expecting someone from the office to pick up some documents. Without checking I opened the door.

It was the newspaperman!

He gave the bill with a flourish. After having been cheated numerous times, these days I check everything he writes.

As usual there was an extra thirty-five rupees!

“What is this for?”

“Monday… Economic times!” he said smugly

“I don’t keep economic times and I don’t get any extra paper on any Monday!”

“Tch! That delivery boy is mad!”

I waited....

He reluctantly took the bill and cut off the thirty-five and gave it to me.

“Today is the 25^th” I said pointedly

“It’s only so little, you can give it”

I realized today was not my day and I gave it to him with bad grace.

“Why don’t you keep DIVA, it comes every Friday?”

“No I don’t want it”

“What about magazines? You don’t read or what?”

“No” came out like a shot

I think you should read Economic Times. Shall I give that?”

My weary ‘no’ came along with the lift and I was thankful to see the back of him.

After three harrowing battles I was all girded up to meet the flower man next! But he never turned up and never delivered the flowers either.

Let me tell you what the conversation will be like.

I will give him one day/ five days less worth of money.

“What madam, one day/ five days only, why cut money for that?”

And no amount of argument will help me because ultimately, I will give!

Whoever thinks that managing home finances is easy should come and live in Mumbai. For us poor housewives pay at least ten percent extra for every commodity; over and above that we are bullied into paying more than necessary, openly and callously!