Closet Confessions

 

Its that time of the year folks! When it is time to rummage through your collection of clothes and decide what to keep and what to throw. To pick out the five sensible dresses that can be worn to function coming up!

Twenty years ago it wasn’t much of a problem. I always ran out of clothes specially during the post August time of the year. All the functions (parties and festivals) came after that. They were followed by innumerable weddings (both friends and family). We were busy till the end of March, after that the summer heat took over and before we could take a breath of relief of the monsoon, one was back again buying sorting matching jewelry and clothes!

I have officially gone into the old age league (not in my mind but according to my passport!). I have stopped wearing uncomfortable clothes (this means sarees, tight blouses, fitting dresses, jeans, and anything similar) I waft about the house in short frocks (loose and comfortable); blaming the rains I continue to indulge in frocks and shorts (so very pleasant!) when I go shopping or visiting. I ignore the looks given by the younger generations at my attire (I have reached the pinnacle of “don’t care” attitude.)

Once upon a time (not a fairy tale!) I used to be fastidious about what I wore at home or to parties or any social gathering. I had different stack of clothes, stay-at-home, stay-at-home-but-could-be- going-out, full-day-out-excursion, relative-visiting, peer-group- meeting, older-friend’s-hangouts and so on and so forth.

At present, the largest pile is stay at home! A small one for shopping, an even smaller one for visiting, a miniscule one for entertaining visitors and one or two for festivals.

I was always an introvert. I never shone socially. The parties in my twenties, thirties, and forties, which I indulged in because we had to be hosts, were busy seeing that everyone else was enjoying and everything was going smoothly. So food, music, and pushing people onto the dance floor was my duty. My part of entertaining myself were the drinks and starters (I still do indulge in these, even when I am alone!)

Now I am at an age when the children of our friends are getting married so wedding invitations are piling up. We need to decide which to attend and which not to.

What is the problem then? You may well ask. I have enough clothes (sarees) and jewelry to last several lives. well, first thing is, I am out of date with what the people at weddings are wearing. I am assuming the safest bet is wearing sarees (not exactly the most fashionable) I made up my mind some time ago not to buy any more sarees (they were really going over board with the prices!) jewelry is fine (You can at least resell them)

Most people in our “now friends” list have not seen me in sarees, so that’s a blessing! The quandary is, I know my sarees! I am trying a new thing now. The fashion for blouses have changed, there I am on a spree of making chic blouses for my old sarees and hope to get away with them.

The greatest obstacle is to choose five sarees out of a hundred (at least!) that are appropriate to the occasion. The trend of having an almost a week of celebration for a wedding has not died down. There is a poker night, a cocktail night, the Haldi day, a mehendi, a reception by the girl’s side, a reception by the boy’s side, the wedding itself and I am sure you can add some more out of your own experience.

The poser continues as one has to choose accessories. The jewelry, the handbag, the sandals et al.

The most fatal of all conundrums is whether I should stick to a saree or go western (just to shock) or maybe wear a sexy lehenga or the newfangled Shararas and Ghararas.

The riddle remains. I have a month and a half to sort all this out and may God help me!

My days of parties may be over but once in a while life throws me a poser which is difficult to handle and I hope the multiple choice that I am faced with has an option of ‘none of the above’!

  

 

 

 

Minimalistic aspirations!

I have shifted homes more than a dozen times during my very long tenure on planet Earth. Of course I have no recollection of my earlier lives or my existence on other planets. Anyway half of the shifting I did before I got married and the other half continues to this day.

When I was a child and we moved. There were no ‘Movers n Packers’ so my father and I packed up each of our possessions (My mother stuck to her personal belongings and kitchen, and my sister was somehow not there when we were moving!). The possessions I recall, included the tube lights and bulbs, air conditioners and air coolers, books and magazines, showpieces and photographs, in short everything. I was in charge of the packing of small things (Not Furniture) and it was my responsibility to see that each packed item (we used old newspapers, towels and dresses and saris to be thrown) was carefully fitted into the wooden crates lined with hay and straw. It would be inspected by Dad and then nailed shut.

My mother was a hoarder. She loved buying stuff that were new in the market and then used maybe once and stored (Ovens, juicers, grills, barbecues, biryani makers, rice cookers, induction heaters et al) during each of these shifting there was the eternal arguments of what should be kept and what should be thrown. Every time my mother agreed that somethings needed to be left out but when we unpacked in the new place they would all be there!

When I started my adult life I did the other half of my moving. We did have packers by then so neither I nor the rest of my family needed to pack anything but we did need to sort things out. I too, like my mother, am a hoarder but not exactly like her. I began by hoarding used gift-wrapping papers (sometimes I did use them), I also kept shoe boxes (to store some unwanted things u know!), then there were magazines, letters, visiting cards (of plumbers and electricians!) and before the arrival of the cell phone I hoarded telephone books with their numerous cuts and numbers! Pens which did not work, pencils which were blunt, paints which were almost dry and I am sure you can add a lot of things that you do and I might respond with “I did that too”.

But this was the time when I did weed out my wardrobe. I did this so that I could, without guilt, refurbish it in the new place. This did not include the heavy saris which were my wedding trousseau, they were well packed (having never been opened after they came from dry cleaning after they were worn once!) so it was not a great deal of trouble. I of course used my judgement to weed out the kid’s wardrobe. I failed in this aspect of my ‘lord n master’ wardrobe as he had his own ideas about what should be thrown off!

When we last shifted to the current abode, I had been ruthless in throwing away clothes, papers, books, utensils and even things like ribbons and artificial jewellery. At first settling down in the new house was heavenly. Every storage space was meticulously planned out and only things that had any usefulness in them were kept and I even made a kind of excel sheet to catalogue my belongings (though it tapered off after sometime!)

Then one by one the crisis happened. We needed old towels for random cleaning and so were the requirements of old bedsheets. The tool box filled with feviquick had been unfortunately thrown off. Those extra wood planks had been inadvertently left behind! Those mismatched tea cups had been thrown off (so useful when you have the whole house filled with painters and electricians and plumbers needing cups of tea at regular intervals!). The old paint brushes though too hard to paint were great for cleaning the sliding window channels. The list is endless….

So started my various Amazon deliveries to fill in the holes of unnecessary items. My ‘minimalistic’ ideas went out of the window.

Now after four years I have come a full circle and every other day is filled with “to keep or not to” as I wade into cupboard after cupboard listing, cutting, throwing and rehashing stereotypes.

I look longingly at new dinner sets, cooking sets, furniture, curtains and thingamabobs, for I cannot buy a new one if I have four sets languishing for use in the unlabelled cupboards.

Now I need to get away from the house into someplace there is nothing to buy, every once in a while. Do you think this malady is curable after all it is a genetic disability and it is NOT MY FAULT!

 

Reeling in the reels!

 

They couldn't find the vein to insert the cannula! As the nurse squeezed and hit my hands and asked me to tighten my fist, I wove in and out of pain and irritation. At last, the deed was done, and I tried to fight the waves of headache that swathed my brain in a tight grip, the medicine took effect and I fell into a stupor. I was conscious of people going and coming, the swish of the curtains, and the beep of the monitors but then god sent sleep took over and I slept a dreamless sleep.

As my poor husband ran to and fro between the ER (Emergency Room) and the billing counter I remained in the bliss of sleep. It took eons (it seemed like that) before a room was allotted and I was formally admitted into the hospital. The four days that followed were a routine of waking up early in the morning with one injection, a prick to check the blood sugar, and a band to check the blood pressure. By then I was wide awake, no point going back to sleep…. The machinery of the hospital takes over….

Unpalatable tea, followed by a worse breakfast, followed by the doctor's rounds, and the worst, the dietician's visit. (I have never really understood the presence of a dietician in a hospital) the dietician is normally a pretty young lady who agrees to whatever you say, she then promises better food but, the lunch that follows, is equally bad and unpalatable.

Do I sound disgruntled and ungrateful? Well, you would be too, if you are tethered to the bed with a yard-long drip attached to a painful cannula that is attached to your body. Every time you need to go to the loo you need to call the nurse to detach you from the contraption. This could take any time from five to twenty minutes! So I devised a method- just unhooked the bottle from the stand, hung it on a convenient hook in the loo, and returned with it in the same way. No one was the wiser!

The antibiotics performed their magic, my cloudy mind cleared out, and boredom set in. The fever refused to go off completely, so like the sacrificial goat, I lay tethered on the very comfortable bed with a high metabolic brain pulsating and raring to do something. I had already gotten bored of all the games on my phone (Unfortunately, I had not got my I-pad with me). So the next browsing fields were the social apps.

I finished seeing all the posts, what now? Well, now I saw something called the 'reels'. I knew about them, of course, but never had the time to check them out. I opened one of them- some video on some movie star…. Then a video about some cooking, some crazy kid dancing (Very well, I must say), someone teaching how to wear a sari, a DIY of some cute decoration…… I was hooked for life!

It is a never-ending source of entertainment. I can choose what genre I would like to indulge in. They are so short that they never bore you. My monkey mind was in paradise! It jumped from one subject to the other in ecstasy. Other than, mindless entertainment and buffoonery, Reels also offered a glimpse of Ted talks, preaching, and new knowledge. If interested, you could go to the original on YouTube and see the whole show.

Here I am permanently tethered to 'Reels'. My escape from reality, boredom, and pain. I promised to try out all the yummy recipes I saw on them. The DIY reels game me new ideas for my art and craft indulgence. The Ted talks enriched my mind. The preaching gave many answers to my existential questions and was like a balm on my troubled soul.

I salute all the new innovations the new generation is bringing forward and bless the men who invented the internet. Now we are all connected beyond space, time, and distance.

Let the "reels" reel me in!

 

 

….For the love of a book

 

 

It’s been a hectic month so far! Lots have been happening…. I had been sitting on my third book for the last (which I must say has been topsy turvy!) year. I don’t want to go into details but safe to say that I have not stayed at home for a month at a stretch. Either I have been traveling to other cities or the hospital!

Well, I decided enough is enough and proceeded with my publisher to publish the book. “Weave Some More” has literally woven webs of confusion, distractions, and plenty of new learnings.

I learned how important it was to advertise the book, I also learned that I need to join like-minded groups, and also to keep my ear to the ground to hear the rumblings about the book.

Though I have used Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn to let the world know about the birth of my books, I have not used it methodically (So my publisher says). So I put myself into their expert hands to do the serious work and continued my amateur bumbling on Social Media!

I was soon flooded with a lot of requests from many groups who wanted to follow me or talk about my book or my writing process. It was flattering, to say the least, but it was a lot of work, nevertheless. One more pleasant surprise was how many of them wrote their own interpretations of the book and posted them on different platforms. I am grateful.

Facebook was filled with congratulatory messages from many of my friends and relatives. But I wonder how many of them did read the book. The best compliment a writer ever gets is when he realizes that his book has been read and critiqued (even if it is a bad one!) I am extremely grateful to the handful who made it a point to message me with their thoughts or wrote reviews on various platforms.

I do realize that in this day of the internet and video world, very few have the interest or the inclination to actually read a three-hundred-page book. Being a book lover I do not understand this trend, but then each to his own.

A book is like a living creature. Every time you read it, it throws out new ideas, nuances, and visions. A couple of people argue that what do we need with them? After all the internet is teeming with ideas and entertainment; why go through the pain of reading, exploring, and using your “noodle” to wallow in the pleasure of reading, processing, and creating your own world?

I have no arguments for or against the above theories. Only a book lover can really ‘feel’ the pleasure that seeps through him when he uses a writer’s words to create and travel through a world. The underlined word is ‘create’. It is true that the writer has created a world with his words but your vision of it is your own creation and thus you own it.

Whoever has the time to read this, please do answer the question, “which other entertainment path allows you to create and find fulfillment and gives you ownership of your reactions and emotions?

Age No Bar

 

My Estrogen levels are falling at the same rate as the petrol price is rising! So as the vehicles get leaner and meaner, I am getting comfortably plumper and irritable.

While growing up, anything connected with the reproductive cycle was not discussed. Even mothers did not encourage this topic to be put up on the podium. Don’t worry I am not going to either ( I belong to the older generation, as you might have guessed). The only reason why I am mentioning the unmentionable is the consequences of this titillating hormone!

All my old readers know that whatever my age might be, I always feel that I am twenty one! Though I forget, my body refuses to! It creaks and aches (most of the time I ignore it), sometimes I even moan unconsciously.

It so happens that I have these unnatural urges to go on a cleaning spree. I have no set rules for this. Sometimes I do Spring cleaning in Autumn, otherwise when the world is happy enough to snuggle under blankets, I love to sweat it out! (You guessed right, using my elbow grease). When I am not physically so occupied, my mind is busily whirring about the house searching for nooks and corners that might need me. If all else fails, I go round shifting furniture!

“So what,” you might say, “that’s no big deal!”

I can imagine the bored look on your face.

Well, these urges have a tendency to overwhelm me when I am alone. When the lord and master is on his trips, my cupboards are cleaned; the kitchen is scrubbed; all old papers are sorted through; the fans are cleaned; windows are scrubbed…. the list is endless. Notwithstanding its not a surprise that all my maids hate it when L&M goes on his trips, as half the scrubbing has to be done by them.

As I grow older these escapades are not limited to me being alone. Post COVID, with WFH becoming the norm, the trips have reduced, and my addiction has increased. When L&M is bound to the study this “mouse” has to play. In the beginning I got away with it, but after a couple of falls and strained backs, the L&M keeps an eagle eye on me (As advised by the Doc and other new adult in the family). In fact certain paparazzi has taken secret videos when I am indulging and the next couple of days are rather uncomfortable for me! (the mind not so much the body).

I am sure you will sympathize with me when I tell you that once I used to climb the high ladders, clean the fans, and light fittings with the maid being my helper, now I am demoted to the post of a helper. The Mighty Maid stands regally upon the said ladder like a surgeon at the operating table.

“Soap,” the maid asks, followed by, “Wet cloth” then, “Dry cloth.” Then I, like the Nurse, meekly hand over the things, looking up at royalty.

Once upon a time, I did not wait for anyone to do my mind’s bidding. Now I have to wait for a suitable day before I can take the itch of cleaning away from my soul. Added to this, I cannot climb on high stools, lift up heavy stuff or take off the cobwebs without being upbraided!

Just the other day, L&M went off on his trip. My maid had left for the day. I was not able to sleep. The big loft in the kitchen balcony (It had become a dumping ground for all unwanted stuff) beckoned! The Cat was away, who would stop me? I took the stool (I was careful) took out everything and cleaned up the whole area. Oh! What pleasure; what salve for my soul and the most important thing ‘peace’ that filled my very being. Sorting, cleaning, throwing, and arranging, I lost track of time. I was so proud of myself.

“I did it!” I congratulated myself.

The melodious tune of my phone woke me from my reverie, and I rushed to get it. That was the precise time when my back was wrenched, and I haven’t heard the last of it from the three voices whose religion is to catch me on the wrong foot!

“When will you learn?” , same words but different voices.

I think its all my mind’s fault who refuses to grow up!

“DO YOU WORK?”

I have the time to stare and watch these days!

“What do you do the whole day?” a very common question aimed at me for the last four years is starting to get less and less irritating. Unfortunately I still haven’t framed a pert rejoinder to the query! I am working on it.

The young ones (college going, pre married and newly working ones) never ask me, maybe because they are not interested enough or they are at that age, self-centered! I love to spend time with them; they are normally positive and full of their experience in life. The newly married ones and new moms are also fine- they are busy with their lives and they believe, their problems are paramount and insurmountable! So O.K. they don’t pay too much of attention to how I spend my time!

It’s the rest of the world who are sometimes tiring with their predictable question (notice the singular “question”!)

I have had a very ordinary and predictable life. Studied, married, had children, worked for some time and now…….????

Another question I am accosted with frequently is “Do you work?”

Well of course I do! How else would a healthy person exist?

The definition of work is-be engaged in physical or mental activity in order to achieve a result- Just by being there I am working!

I wake up in the morning and look down at the beautiful garden below. It is teeming with life! (Sometimes I wake up at five in the morning and the well-lit garden is humming with activity) You would be amazed at what all people do early in the morning. (Being a night person, my brain refuses to work for an hour or so after I wake up!) There are the young ones with plugged up ears running and jogging, the middle-aged ones (you can tell by their paunches!) walking energetically, the old ones talking a leisurely stroll and some undisciplined kids weaving in and out almost tripping people. I feel am I losing out on life, I don’t do all this…. But….

Some five- six years back I used to do all this (Not in the morning though! Usually evening) I enjoyed it too! I used to exercise vigorously, diet all the time and fill myself with diet snacks and fruits et al; have advised people to do the same. Just imagine making three kinds of meals, looking after kids and husband and “working” too! But I was never a rebel and I walked with the pack. Complaining about everything (price, maid, vegetables and you name it!)

After the first one left the nest, I slowly stopped obsessing about school and grades (the second one was lucky!) I gave more freedom to the younger one; stopped freaking out about “why 98 not 100?” I was lucky to go abroad where my dependency on maids reduced considerably; petty politics at work was a thing of the past and I changed drastically, my whole attitude towards life changed. Whether that was a good thing or not, is for you to decide.

People were already saying,” soon your second one will leave – you must get back to work”. To be honest I mulled over it for some time and half-heartedly tried. Then one fine day I decided to leave the race! I wanted to stand and stare at the runners going ahead with their jogging shoes and water bottles’ I-pod and headphones; determined and sweaty faces!

I have been blessed with an understanding husband who lets me do whatever I want to. I know he would love it if I went back into the “working” arena but he respects my wish, not to.

For the last four years, I have been fulfilling one of my life’s desires- to travel. I have travelled a lot and drunk in the pleasure of new civilizations, cultures, currencies and beauty. I have had the freedom to help my children settle down and begin their journey in and towards adulthood. Could I have done this if I had been “working”? I have gone on holidays not worrying about school holidays or leave applications. I have reduced my cribbing quotient and moved towards positivity in spite of all the negativity that surrounds me. Yes, I have fallen ill but without feeling guilty that I have to take leave and stay at home. I believe that I am living life now. I know people will accuse me of being selfish, lazy and pleasure loving. Maybe I am that! But all of us deserve a break from the mundane grind of existence and I believe that after being good for so long, let me be a little evil!

To answer the very important “question” I do work. I work to run the house, I work to give emotional support to many people in my life, I work to keep a balance of yin yang in the family, I work to see that life is running smoothly for the people who have done so for me, now. I am the finance minister, the home minister, the education minister, the foreign affairs minister… all rolled into one.

 

So my young and old friends learn that we all have our roles to play at all times during our life. It is important that we find our niche and enjoy what we do. All of us are working towards a common goal of reaching out to happiness. Even the beggar works!

I read and play, I am learning to enjoy cooking (I have always hated it till now!) I am learning to explore and discover. I am learning! That’s the important thing. The day I stop learning I will die and then you can ask me, “What do I do the whole day?” Now twenty-four hours is not enough for me!

The main thing is to fulfill your responsibilities and still enjoy the process of life!

 

The bug in the Apple

The balding, white haired old man came and said “Hi! Didi”, I woke up from this nightmare with a jump. (You see, I think of myself as an eternal twenty-one-year-old and this person referring to me as an older sister is like a nightmare!). Anyway I was now half awake; I opened the flap of my cell phone to check the time. It was one A.M. in the morning; it was all silent outside; the Ganesh Visarjan was either over or was too far away for us to hear the drums and songs.

I then noticed that my TT* was missing from the bed. I know she is not the kind who would stay up so late to study. I tumbled out of bed and padded barefoot to the living room to see madam sitting at the table with the mac opened and her I-phone attached to it like a patient on life support! There were plenty of wires, all trailing over the table, chair and floor. Before I continue, I must tell you what happened earlier in the night…….

The 18^th of September was D day for my little Apple Fan! You see the new iOS7 was going to be released that day. From the morning itself, I had heard it almost a hundred times as to what an exciting day it was going to be. Though I tried to muster up the same enthusiasm I failed miserably! For once the bitten Apple fan did not notice my failure and she enumerated the many advantages of the new Operating System. There was a test at school but the only thing on her mind was the great OS! I wasn't expecting any great results in the test.

The ETA was 10 o’clock India time. Thankfully we had finished our dinner by then and most of the homework had been completed. The elder sister was trying to tutor her in math; of course the mind not being there, the inevitable argument ensued and both of them went their own way (the final outcome of all disagreements!)

“Oh My God! Oh My God!”

The scream that announced this was obviously to be noted and we both looked up to see an excited TT…

“It’s come; it’s come!”

It sounded as if “It’s a boy” by the nurse outside the delivery room!

“It’s installing, OMG! it started” all the while jumping around the room in excitement. For a moment I forgot she was sixteen- she seemed about five years old.

Older sister rolled her eyes and we both looked at each other and smiled indulgently.

We got busy with our nightly routine. She continued sitting at the table ….

At 11.30, I realized that she was nowhere near the bed and I asked her why she wasn’t coming.

There was frustration writ large on her face, “it didn’t install correctly, there is an error, and I have to do it again!”

Feeling sorry for her I left her to her devices and went to bed.

 

Coming back to my 1 A.M. sojourn…….

“Why aren't you in bed? Don’t you have school?” I mumbled half asleep.

“Oh! Ma! It’s installing; should get over in fifteen minutes; will come to bed after that...”

Too sleepy to argue I went back to sleep.

The alarm woke me up at six o’clock and what do I see??????

The bitten apple fan on the bed looking at her I-phone with stars in her eyes!

“It’s done, it’s done”, she whispered loudly as soon as she realized I was awake.

This followed a whole lot of “sort of” technical details and extolling of the virtues of the new OS! I was made to look at the new interface and the different colours and even Siri’s new human voice! Bleary eyed and with a muddled mind I absorbed all this to the best of my ability and got out of my bed totally apple blasted!

From that moment till she left for school it was …

“Have you seen how this looks?”

“Have you seen how smoothly this moves?”

“Isn't this so much classier?”

As soon as I was fully awake, I tried to dampen her a little by being wicked…

“Android already has this”

But no effect!

She went and updated my I-pad during this time and tried to update the elder sister’s too (It was being done when the bus arrived so she was not successful!)

As she constantly WhatsApp during her bus ride, she sent one message to her father that he must update his I pad, complete with instructions in bold letters (in case he couldn't “hear” her!).

Her dad was amused at her enthusiasm and went on to update his tablet.

The evening after school, of course continued in this vein and I was deluged with repeat information about the GREAT OS! (She had forgotten that she had told me all and shown me all, in the early morning!)

The excitement continues even as I am writing this. The worm in the apple has not only bitten my little one…... My sister –in –law has already sent instruction to her brother that he must update his tablet, hence his amusement at the two ladies in the family going a little wonky at the birth of the I-OS 7!