The other day I was browsing my face book page and looking at the status of my numerous “Friends”. The inverted commas are there because they are termed as that, but most are my ex-students, some are my relatives, some are my children’s friends and the rest of course are my friends in the correct sense of the word! But if you were to define friends as being people who are of the same wavelength as you and whose likes and dislikes are similar to you then most of them would come under that heading!
To get back to my activity- I noticed that many of my ex students, now all young adults were “in a relationship”; some were proudly advertising their “single” status and some were without any status! Well this really put the reels of my life on a rewind and I started thinking of my crushes over the years! I remembered my first love when I was about Nine years or so (He was shorter than me!). You may not believe it I seriously started listing all my crushes one by one in my mind and the whole exercise was a very pleasant one. (I hope this is a normal activity by women of middle age!)
I laughed at my attempts to draw attention to myself; I laughed at the blushes that used to suffuse me when I was teased by my friends with my crush of that time; I laughed at my pain and sufferings and hurt that I had gone through during those days. I wish I could advise all these young people about how to go about their love affairs (this is hilarious as I unfortunately never even had a formal boyfriend!) But the Miss-know-all that I am, I feel as if I know how to handle them with aplomb!
But seriously! Having a boyfriend during my youth, though common on the sly, never received any parental encouragement, maybe which is why I never had the guts to even dream of really going out on a date. I was and still am an avid fan of Archie comics. The American life that is portrayed in the strip was so “away” from our lives that it was more of fiction than real life, but sometimes I used to hope for an Archie with me being Betty! Our generation grew up on a menu of Mills and Boons romance (the romantic ones, not the near pornographic ones that are published these days!). We all had our share of celebrity crushes and our dreams of what we would do if they were to come and propose to us!
College was a little different. By then many of my friends were into relationships” but not poor old me. My crushes continued but I was such an aggressive and boyish young lady that most young men would love to play games with me but would be too scared to hold my hand!
Romance then was to go for movies with your boyfriend and if your parents were liberal you were allowed to go to discos. There were some parties called Jam Sessions which could be hosted by a friend and you could get lost in the crowds there. Romance then did not believe in going for long walks or writing poetry or gazing at each other as is portrayed in movies! The society was getting westernized and the changes had just begun......
Romance is so much easier now.... You get into a relationship; you get out of it; you get into a new one – everything is so simple and straightforward! The best thing is everything is public, you share your joys and happiness of being in love and sadness and depressions of being out of love with the whole world and go ahead in life. There is no looking back, no brooding over the “ifs and buts”, it’s all about burying your past and living in the present- very healthy psychologically! There is a lot of honesty involved. I remember a friend of mine, in the first throes of love, making me lie to her parents that she was with me while she went for a movie with the boyfriend!
Romance is so practical now, with emotions like uncertainty and shyness thrown out of the window that I wonder whether the emotion should not be given a new name! The freedom that the whole world keeps talking about has infused into this word too.
It is so easy to write ‘I am single again’ that the commitment of marriage and family is no longer something we can be proud of. It is so simple to write ‘I am in love’ that the mystery of romance has disappeared.
Am I being too old fashioned? I know that I am being modern by airing my views which we could not earlier!
After so many years!!! You now have finally admitted that you have had crusheS (and not just the only ONE you used to meet in the 6.00 a.m. DTC bus to Miranda House, you had professed for the last 20 years!)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Crush Club - I agree it was fun, in its own way - not being sure, feeling shy, hesitant, private ...which in a way ensured that there were no serious commitments made - cos at that age, it's better left at being a frivolous crush ...rather than getting into a relationship (apparently serious, but actually hollow) which is unlikely to be sustainable.
One huge advantage of the “Crush” culture was that there was no limit to the number of crushes one could have (all confined to your dreams and heart) – unlike a “ open relationship” where it is only one! So I am glad I belonged to the “Old” generation, where I have had the pleasure of having a crush on every girl I knew!! (you know the list, right?!! :)
Interesting read. The post and the comment. 'Crushing Blows' indeed.
ReplyDeleteVivek