You love her more.......

You love her more.......
Our family teenager was sulking! She tossed her mane of untidy hair in imitation of a bull getting ready to face the matador and said, “You love her more.....”


It all began with the fact that we were discussing Face book (or FB) at the dinner table. Staying so far away from our first born, we keep in touch with her life through this wonderful media of communication. We know when she is happy; tired; angry; disillusioned and all the gamut of emotion a young person on the verge of official adulthood goes through!


Getting back to the dinner table... we as parents were discussing her life and the status and photographs and DP (that’s display picture to the uninitiated!) that she puts up; well we heard a small sound of protest but as we were so animatedly talking, we did not notice it. In fact I thought it was the air conditioner making a groaning noise.


“Did either of you see my DP?” this was said rather loudly and I looked at the speaker to see a flushed face almost on the brink of spilling precious liquid! Not knowing what the problem was I queried about it; then the accusations came spilling out. We were hard put to stem the flow of angry recriminations which followed the heading of this post.


Years ago, I and I think all of us, at some time or the other must have gone through the same emotions; thinking that our parents loved our siblings more than us. The reasons vary but the emotions are the same. It is definitely not jealousy because I know the cute adolescent adores her sister; it is something more primeval; it is a basic instinct of every human being to be appreciated at every step of his life. When you feel that this is not forthcoming you feel uncomfortable.


When you are a child and do not cater to social niceties you exhibit all this honestly. Soon you grow older and are advised at all turns of life to “control your emotions” you tend to suppress this feeling and put up a mask of indifference or polite acceptance of such a fact.


Now as an adult and a parent of many years I realize that normally parents love their children to almost the same degree of affection. (There are exceptions of course!) I do appreciate one child’s idea of discipline more than the other but I do appreciate the other child’s creativity more, so in the end it all balances out. As individuals we react to another individual in a unique way and no body and nothing can touch this uniqueness.


I was an introvert, living in my own world of make belief. I was never very aware that my parents were partial to my sister but once in a while I have felt it and have cried in private due to this feeling. Now as a parent myself I can look back and laugh over it.


The teenager had got it all out of her chest and was now listening to our explanation. The heat was over and she realized the truth of our words. I am glad she is not like me; she doesn’t pent-up her frustrations within herself! She had forgotten about it a moment later. I would have, in her place not said a word about it but brooded for at least a day!


I wonder what used to happen when families were larger and there were more than five children competing for attention from the parents. Maybe the parents were too busy to pay any attention to anyone and the children were happy with this! This new psychological problem must have developed with the advent of the small nuclear family. Like a virus which has undergone mutation!


But it is on verge of extinction now, as most family like the Chinese are following the one child policy. No Sibling, so no sibling rivalry! But are we actually losing out on a healthy though negative emotion?

What is the value of yin without the yang!